Saturday, August 22, 2009

Elopements: Post #3

We all know the verb "elope." Some of you may even know that term in its adjectival form, "elopement." Many people hear these terms and only associate them with running off to Las Vegas or going to a Justice of the Peace at the local courthouse. These are types of elopement weddings but certainly not the only types. The one category of person who is probably the #1 fan of eloping is the father of the bride, i.e. he who pays the bill for the more traditional wedding. The #2 fan of eloping is usually the groom who dreads, rightly, the rigors of a traditional wedding and all that it entails. Earlier this year one of my FOBs (father of the bride) told me that he had offered his daughter and future son-in-law a very nice sum of money as a wedding gift if they would opt for an elopement rather than the traditional wedding. They didn't go for it. Actually, I think they would have gone for it if the MOB (mother of the bride) had been on board.

If you look up elopement you will see definitions that center around running off in secret to get married in a quick and private manner. While these may fit the dictionary definition of the term, the new reality is that there are different levels and types of eloping. Yes, you can still run off in secret to the courthouse or hop on a plane to Las Vegas if you are an elopement purist. Hollywood has given the public a distorted and romanticized perspective on this practice. I submit for your perusal the Rich Events new lexicon for elopement weddings.

#1) Secret Elopement (local or out of town)
This is a private wedding ceremony with only bride, groom, officiant and a witness. This ceremony is not announced to family and friends until after it takes place. This is what most people think of when they hear "elope." The bride and groom decide to marry, they get the marriage licence, they secure an officiant and a witness and they get married without telling anyone what they are doing. Often times these ceremonies take place at a courthouse, a wedding chapel, or in a location convenient to the couple and the officiant. There are no vendors other than the officiant, i.e. no photographer, no florist, no musicians. There is no rented tuxedo or wedding dress. It is simply a legal ceremony and nothing more.

#2) Planned Local Elopement
This is a semi-private wedding ceremony that includes bride, groom, officiant and a very close circle of immediate family and or closest friends, usually numbering only 3 to 5 people. The bride and groom may each buy a new outfit to wear, but something they can easily wear again. They may or may not have boutonniere and bouquet. Usually they will just have one or two of the friends or family in attendance take some snap shots. There is usually no music or processional. Everyone simply gathers together and the officiant begins the ceremony when all are ready. These ceremonies are often in a home, a public park, in the chapel of a church or in a wedding chapel or other rented venue that specializes in elopement ceremonies. Local examples in Nashville include Belmont Mansion, The Ambrose House, Cabinberry Farm, The Baber House, The Wild Turkey Ranch and The Pick Inn, just to name a few.

#3) Planned Out-of-Town Elopement
This is a semi-private wedding ceremony that includes the bride, groom, officiant and a very close, small circle of family and friends who go out of town as a group to a favorite destination for a small, simple wedding. The destination is as much a part of the event as the ceremony. Popular examples among Nashvillians include beach weddings in Destin, Florida and mountain weddings in Gatlinburg. A slightly more elaborate and planned version is a cruise wedding. Some cruise lines offer small wedding venues and officiants for on-board ceremonies. The ship is the venue and the cruise is the honeymoon! This option is popular with couples who may be marrying for the second time and like the idea of sharing the entire experience with their children or other close friends/family.

Whether a couple chooses to run off to the justice of the peace, go to a local minister's office or take a small group with them to a favorite spot, eloping can be a great way to start off married life. These ceremonies require minimal expense, minimal planning and minimal stress. This is a great option for the cash-strapped couple who wants to marry but doesn't have the funds for a lavish event. It is an equally good option for the couple who has ample funds but would rather use those funds for something else, like a nice honeymoon, a down payment on a house, or debt retirement--particularly of student loans or credit card debt. Many couples don't realize how expensive and how involved a wedding is until they are neck deep in the planning process. Dresses, flowers, invitations, photographers, venues, caterers, limos, tuxes, cakes...it can run into the tens of thousands of dollars very quickly. For those who have the funds and the desire to have the big wedding, I am more than happy to plan, coordinate and officiate for you! For the others of you who have different needs, different budgets or different priorities, there are ways of having a memorable wedding without the need for a congressional bailout.

I have officiated and coordinated lots and lots of weddings from the simplest possible secret elopement to the most elaborate traditional wedding with reception. When it is all said and done, all of my weddings, big and small, end the same way...my signature on a marriage license, an envelope and one postage stamp all making their way to the county clerk.

August 22, 2009: Post #2

This was one of those rare and unwanted weeks on my calendar with white space all weekend--no planned weddings. In this business there is always the chance of an elopement wedding at the last minute. I've had a few of those and I love them, but we'll talk about that later. I got a call on Thursday from a bride needing me to step in and officiate her wedding two days later. We thought this wedding would be at one of my favorite Gallatin venues, The Pick Inn, but it ended up at the bride's home. The groom, his friends and his groomsmen were all musicians. My arrival was met with screeching electric guitar chords. It sounded like I was arriving at an Aerosmith concert. I knew right off that this was going to be a laid back, casual wedding. The groom was wearing a very hip, ready-for-the-stage outfit--designer jeans, embroidered shirt, cool hair--the works. The bride wore a dress that I told her reminded me of that famous Marylin Monroe dress that she wore over the street grating, except this dress had a train. I wore my ministerial robe and stole.

Everyone went outside and took their place. Everyone except the small kids who continued their impromptu game of soccer. One of the older kids went zooming in front of me, the groom and the groomsmen right before the bride's maids came out. The bride processed out and all was well. The kids kept playing in the yard all around the ceremony. If only I could have held my BlackBerry and videotaped this next part. Right as I was taking the rings from the best man, a soccer ball sailed across the yard and bounced off my left shoulder while I was in mid sentence. Fortunately I have become very laid back about this sort of thing. I made a little joke of it and kept on going. If it didn't bother the bride it shouldn't bother me!

I have a word of advice for brides who are contemplating an outdoor wedding where multiple small kids will be present, especially if it is going to be in your own home or any home where the kids feel very comfortable. Make sure they know what a wedding is and that they need to take a break from playing and try to be still and quiet for a few minutes...OR be prepared for soccer ball to the head during your ceremony. Just a thought.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

My first wedding blog

December 29, 2001 was the date of my first wedding as an officiant. A closed friend had asked me to officiate his upcoming wedding in Amarillo, Texas. I had helped my mom with her part time wedding coordinating as a kid and I had played piano and organ for some weddings back in the 80s, but this wedding in Amarillo was my first one where I was the minister. I lived in Fort Worth at the time and had never been to the panhandle. If you've never been to the Texas panhandle, winter is not the time for your first visit. The farther north I got the flatter and more desolate the landscape became. By the time I got to the church I had lost the will to live. The wedding was nice and unevetful. Not bad for a first.

My second wedding was back in Fort Worth a few months later. It was a cowboy wedding. The bride wore a lace wedding dress with 3 inch staletto-heal boots. The groom wore black jeans and a white cowboy shirt and a stetson hat. I wore my ministerial robe. Interesting mix to be sure. They drove off in a early 70s model pickup with beer cans tied to the bumber. Very Texas for a second wedding.

There were a couple of years between my second and third weddings. My third wedding was actually an anniversary celebration with a vow renewal. A friend and collegue of mine was a pastor and had asked me to officiate for him, which I was all too happy to do. Nothing unusual at this event. Pretty run-of-the-mill.

My life in weddings got a jump start in 2007. I finished my last regular church staff position as an interim pastor and was looking for a new part time job. I ended up taking a position that my mom found, something she wasn't interested in but thought I might like. Starting in March of 2007 I was a wedding coordinator for Belmont Mansion in Nashville, TN. Shortly after I started the lady who had been the senior coordinator stepped down and I became the lead coordinator. I found myself in a unique position being an ordained minister and working in a popular wedding venue as a wedding coordinator. It didn't take long for me to realize that I had found a new love, a new professional calling. I would be something new, something that nobody else had done. I would carve out a new hybrid niche as a wedding minister and wedding coordinator. By July 2007 I had my website and email domain up and running. My wedding career at Belmont was going along very nicely.

I was working a day-job for a large clothing manufacturing company while I did my weddings on the weekend. I even got two promotions at work which made it seem less and less likely that I would ever give up the security of my paycheck and benefits to pursue weddings as a full time career. I settled into a nice little routine. My weddings were my passion, my fun and they provided the bulk of the money for my vacation fund. It was a great system...while it lasted.
The recession hit my employer hard and I got laid of in January of 2009. I stood at a crossroads. I could throw myself out there into the worst job market in 25 years with everyone else who was job hunting, or I could follow my heart. With nothing to lose and everything to gain I decided to do whatever it took to make a full time career of my weddings. I had the blessing of a bit of a small golden parachute so I didn't have to panic about money, at least not for a while. I already had some of my own clients booked for 2009 even before the layoff, so I felt like a had a good start.

I spent a good week digging deep into Google doing market reasearch on wedding websites and venues in Nashville and Middle Tennessee. Before long I was contacting every venue owner and manager I could find and making house calls. I had business cards printed up as well as car magnets. I went all around town introducing myself to every venue that I could, offering my services as both a wedding officiant and a wedding coordinator. One of my early events was not a wedding...quite the other end of the spectrum. I was called on to coordinate a memorial service.

The family memebers were all from out of state and were actualy out of the country at the time of the death. I made arrangments with a local venue and a caterer and I helped the family pull everything together. I had preached many funerals in my days as a pastor, so this was very familiar territory. This one was quite different though. Neither the deceadant nor the family were people of strong religious faith. I wanted to be as accomodating and as respectful as possible, so I mainly acted as a facilitator and host. Several of the deceadant's friends spoke, some sang and one even played a drum solo. The most intersting and unique part of the service was the yoga presentation by some of her friends. Not being familiar with much of Yoga tradition, I wasn't sure what to expect. All I could imagine was group of leotard-clad women striking a pose on a rubber mat. When it came time for their portion of the service, they never even left their seats. They chanted. I don't know what they chanted, but it was in unison and it went on for quite a while. The friends and family were gracious and I was glad to have been able to help them during a most difficult time.

I feel the need to add a privacy statement to this first installment that will apply to this and all future blogs from me. I will always respect the privacy of all of my clients, vendors, associates and event guests. I will never mention anyone by name without their prior consent...no matter how funny their story is. When permission is not possible or appropriate, names and locations will be veiled to protect the innocent as well as the guilty.

More to come in post #2!